I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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