First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
