I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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