If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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