Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
