I skipped work to stalk him.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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