im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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