We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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