I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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