We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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