I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
