Can Purell be used as lube?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
