I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
