My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
