I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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