i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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