i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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