i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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