I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
