My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
