I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
