its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
