so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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