I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Pappa wants mamma naked
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want to fling myself into the sun
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
