just come out here and I will go home with you...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
