...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
