i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
pray to the hookup gods
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
