my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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