So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have aggressive nipples.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
