Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
