Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
