I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize