in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
