Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
