I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
