I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
