In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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