you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
