What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
