plz talk dirty to me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
