allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
