This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
