My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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