I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
