From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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