I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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