Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
