i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
