We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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