Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are we still banned from the library?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize