what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think your dad took our porno
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
