I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize