I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
