he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
