I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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