i permit you to call me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
