just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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