So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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