he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
