I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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