No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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