The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This baby is an asshole
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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