I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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