Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
bring money and cleavage
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
