Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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