I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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