What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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