so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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