I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
