About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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