I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
