Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
