hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
