Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
