.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
