I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
