he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
God I need to hump something, right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
