i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
