They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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