I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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