Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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