i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize