I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
