You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
