I can tuck mytits in my pants
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
