Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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