yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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