I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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