okay pat passed out under dana's car
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
