I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
