i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
