FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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