apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he fucked my hip out of place.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
