Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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