Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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