How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize