her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize