You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
