just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize