I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
