Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So squirting runs in the family.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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