yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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