First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
