it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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