kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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