i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
