If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
