if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
