Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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